Loving Me

This year has been both a blessing and a curse. Needeless to say,I can now get out of my rut and write about this,as usual it takes a healing process,most of which I am still working on. I have experienced a great financial time which I'm still loving, a new job,creativity was intitially sparked in me and excitement welled in me,but with time and as events and circumstances in the year unfolded,dampers showed up. Big dampers might I add,leaving me emotionally overwhelmed and confused,but here I am still standing. 

In my quiet introspective moments, I re-read my journals,blog (I'd almost forgotten I had one) and other material I have saved to read at times of great distress and it's amazing to know that I have soo much and I give myself a pat on the back for looking out for me. :-).  After reading through these, I have had a few revelations. I have realized once again that self love is key to life,it's the key to giving and receiving,it is also the key to accepting all as they are and not being judgmental. 

It has prompted me to re-evaluate and to make a promise to love myself more and more each day in whatever way possible and in the manner that I would treat a lover that I am soo absolutely head over heels in love with. If I had to hang out with a person I was in love with I would spend a lot of time with them,be close to them in physical contact,feel their body warmth,kiss them,cuddle,hug and whisper beautiful things,smile approvingly,offer to make them great dishes of their favourite food,be kind and giving to them, tell them how great they look,how beautiful their eyes are,what a stunning body they have and other niceties. I would forgive their mistakes,granted some mistakes would take longer to forgive than others,but I would forgive nonetheless and it will be hanky dory all again.

I cannot say that I have treated myself with such love, a love so profound it leaves me wishing for more. I don't know if it is possible, all I know is that I have to fill on me before expecting other people to fill/love me. I have to be able to give me before I can receive from others,for they may give me and I would not be able to recognize it if I don't know what if feels like. I have to love me and leave all to their own devices and extricate myself from being judgmental, for if I was happy with myself I would not see the big speck in my brother/sisters if I had not seen it in me first.

The long and short of it is that I will love,forgive and nurture myself the best way I know how for nobody else will apart from me. This...is the beginning of freedom.